When and How to Use “Intruding” as a Coaching Skill

July 7th, 2010

As coaches we understand that listening and questioning are the most important skills, however, there is more to coaching that asking questions and listening to the answers!

“Intruding” is a skill that doesn’t come easily to even the most experienced coaches. We often feel that the client deserves to tell his story uninterrupted. However, there are times when to get to the “real core” of the story/problem/issue, we need to interrupt him/her and use the skill of “intruding”.

“Intruding” indeed is a skill, for using it at the right time and asking the right question is very important. We need to use our intuition to recognize the right moment. Needless to say, to be able to do that, we need to listen on Level 3 listening consistently.

The role of “intruding” is to re-direct the conversation back to the main issue, in case the client starts veering away. If he/she does that, it can mean many things. For example: they don’t want to talk about the unpleasant parts of the story, they want to avoid the truth or they like listening to themselves and want to cover all the unimportant details. Those types of clients are usually the same clients who, if not brought back on track swiftly, will complain that coaching goes nowhere and is not helpful at all!

Therefore, do not believe that “intruding” is rude! It is your responsibility as coach to make sure the client is not allowed to get lost in his own details and that you steer the session towards tangible results.

The best way to ensure that client is aware of what you are doing is to introduce “intruding” as an option before the beginning of the session and explain the reasons for using it. Client needs to understand that coaching is different from having a simple conversation with a friend! After getting the clients’ approval, make sure to use the skill of “intruding” appropriately and only when needed. When overdone, it doesn’t help neither client, nor you and most of all the successful coaching process.