How does the “Reality” Phase of TGROW reflect the Level of Your Rapport with Your Client?

July 2nd, 2010

The “Reality” part of the coaching session (if using a TGROW model) gives you a picture of your client’s current or background information in connection with the chosen goal of the session.

This part of the coaching session is extremely important. This is the perfect opportunity to validate to yourself the level of rapport you have been able to build with your client. Why?

When describing their reality, it is up to clients to decide how much information they are prepared to share and how deep they are ready to go. It is very probable that if the client doesn’t feel fully comfortable with you or you haven’t been able to earn his trust yet, he will keep some important information away from you. Or, in order to test you, the client might choose a topic where deep reality analysis is not necessary. I had a client who decided to spend his first session with me discussing the strategies for “surviving” the weekend with his mother-in-law, in spite of having plenty of other burning issues!

If you are a devoted and professional coach, you will not take the client’s reluctance personally, especially if the coaching relationship is at its very beginning.

However, if you have been coaching your client for a while and you feel that he stills doesn’t open up to the level that would help him make progress faster, it is time to initiate a conversation/feedback session.

If the reluctance to share comes from the lack of rapport between the two of you, you need to agree how to go about it. On the other hand, if the rapport is just fine and your client refuses or can’t go into certain details because it scares him or stresses him, you need to be extremely cautious and let the client go only as far as he is ready. Make a note though of your observations and if needed, return to that particular topic another time. Maybe this time the client will be ready to cut through the case and he will be grateful that you brought him back to re-visit his old fears and address them. Perseverance in coaching is definitely a great asset.

Natalie Ekberg is an international personal and executive coach and offers self-improving, motivational and coaching e-courses and e-books as well as face to face or telephone coaching.